Did I slip into a shirt with the wrong label when I got dressed this morning?
Perception is such a powerful thing and can so often be wrong. One of the perceived truths about me that has been wrong for so long is that of my virginity; or lack thereof.
In my junior year of high school I remember the subject of sex coming up in economics class. A small group of us were discussing who had lost their virginity and Blake Underhill made some off-handed comment about how he had chalked me up as one of the non-virgins. I was so embarrassed and immediately corrected him. I was in fact a virgin. The most I had ever done was kiss a boy. I was met with a doubtful look.
It’s been that way ever since.
It happened again tonight. A friend, whom I love and recognize meant no harm , asked me if I had ever had sex with Luke. They said they simply assumed I was “the kind of girl who would think that was okay in a committed relationship”.
“No I haven’t… In fact I never have… i’m a virgin…”
There is apparently something in my walk , look, or manner of speech that says, “been there… done that”.
It’s so incredibly hurtful. Though I am so sad to admit that i’m no longer as inexperienced as the girl in that junior economics class I am still not this picture people seem inclined to paint me as. I have made mistakes and given away pieces of my self and I can never change that. It’s something I have to hand over to God and something my husband and I will deal with one day. Still, what about me screams, “non-virgin!”?
Am I not sweet and demure enough? Is it the size of my breasts? My choice in clothing? Do I not blush enough when a crude joke is made? Does my chastity belt not make a loud enough clang when I walk?
What makes it so easy to make assumptions about something so personal? Something others have no first-hand knowledge of?
Do women assume the same thing? Are men writing me off without even knowing me?
What a sad thought.
Assumptions hurt… Afterall, I remember a boy who asked me this simple question over a decade ago and i’m sure I will remember the one from tonight as well.
If we haven’t seen it with our own eyes or heard it with our own ears then we don’t know if it’s truth… let’s bear that in mind.
“Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?”
James 4: 11-12