Ana is…

So…

I don’t think it is going to come as a big shock to any of you but I’ve been struggling with a pretty strong depression since I returned from Hawaii. I don’t want to get to deep into this now because… well I’m not ready to.  But I did need to mention it in order to preface this post.

This is not the first time in my life that I’ve battled depression but it has been more overwhelming than it has really ever been.  It scares me… a lot.

Those of you who know me at all know I like to be in control and have a plan/direction in my life.  With depression there is no real sense of control.  There’s just chaos and not knowing… will I wake up “me” or this other person who feels like she can’t even breathe?

I’ve had suggestions of ways to begin dealing with this and pushing through and I’m trying to be a person who knows how to do that.  I have heard it all from “you just need get out and exercise”, to “write in a journal” (which I suppose my blog is quickly becoming), to “get back out there and meet someone new (btw… ha).

Part of this depression is feeling a loss of identity or worth, something I’ve already shared about.

One of my friends made a suggestion that sounds really easy in theory but in actuality he made it almost 3 weeks ago and I’m just now sitting down to do it.

Here it is…

Hey, Hang in there. You’re a great person that this world needs.

Here’s a suggestion(to take or leave): When I was really depressed, I eventually had to make a list of things I liked about myself. I hung it up on my wall and read it every morning. It helped. Let me start you off.

Things that are great about Ana:
Ana is an Awesome Cook.
An is a Caring Friend.
Ana is Honest.
Ana is Kind.
Ana is Wise.

List everything, even piddly stuff. I had on my list: things like, ____ knows how to swim, ____ doesn’t smoke.

Simple right?

NOT

Even on my best days I don’t do well in acknowledging what I like about myself or what is valuable about me.  I find a challenge like this even more difficult after the person who was supposed see these things in me walked away.  It was like confirmation that these things don’t exist.

So I will try to make one now, beginning with my friend’s suggestions, and even if I can’t believe them today there is always tomorrow… or the next day.

Ana is…

Ana is an Awesome Cook.

An is a Caring Friend.

Ana is Honest.

Ana is Kind.

Ana is Wise.

Ana is loyal.

Ana loves to dance.

Ana is a strong reader.

Ana is not afraid to speak up for someone else.

Ana is a good scrabble player.

Ana plans good parties.

Ana doesn’t smoke (I stole this from my friend but I had been staring at the screen for 3 minutes and needed another one).

Ana is determined.

Ana is brown (kinda just using that as filler)

Ana is a good hostess.

Ana is accepting.

Ana is a good public speaker.

Ana loves children.

okay… the pauses between additions are getting longer so I’m going to call it quits there.

Technically that did nothing to make me feel better but perhaps that’ll come later :) I’m just satisfied having done it and being able to successfully check it off my list of things to try.

there’s another… Ana is a good list-maker.

Maybe try to make one for yourself.  It’s uber-awkward but it didn’t hurt me any and it might do you some good.

<3

Advertisements

One thought on “Ana is…

  1. 1. Ana has a heart for the downtrodden
    2. Ana is really funny
    3. Ana has a great laugh
    4. Ana is loved and adored by her Father
    5. Ana has Kingdom Purpose- way beyond what she could even imagine
    6. Ana is strong
    7. Ana is bright
    8. Ana has strong convictions
    9. Ana has a big heart

    just a few more to go with what you’ve come up with… :)

Comments are closed.